Reflection Questions: What was it like for you to attend your first small group? Why did you go? What was the result of becoming a part of one?
Making disciples is most fruitful when the follower of Christ is connected to a small group of people who are pursuing the same life in Christ as they are. This is also often where one connects with a person who is interested in being mentored in their spiritual life.
The overarching concept for understanding small group leadership is “hospitality”. Peter writes in 1Peter 4:9 to “offer hospitality to one another without grumbling”. The Greek word translated hospitality is “philoxenos” and means to love the alien or stranger. It’s the opposite of a word often associated with Christians, xenophobic, which means fear of the stranger.
Christian culture overall should be a place where those who are new and on the outside are given special attention and helped to move inward toward meaningful relationships in the family of God. This is never more true than in the small group.
When a new person arrives it is a big deal. It takes a tremendous amount of courage to take the step of walking into a new setting where who knows what is going on. While we don’t want to overwhelm the person, we do want to make them feel welcome and do everything we can to connect with them.
The basics are speaking to them, getting to know them, introducing them to others, sitting by them. You want to tactfully explain what is going on as the evening unfolds so that they don’t feel awkward or out of place. If at all possible, getting their information and if appropriate scheduling a follow-up meeting with them in the next few days. When meeting with the person, perhaps even bringing one of your small group members along to also connect and learn more about how you are following up with new people. This is the heart of building a small group.
Reflection Question: What makes a good small group?
There are as many answers to this question as there are people in small groups. Some groups are built around fellowship, some around Bible study, some around prayer, some around worship. We, at MERCYhouse, try to build our groups around the five devotions of our church (worship, word, prayer, mission, church).
The schedule for the evening reflects our desire to devote ourselves to these five things:
Hospitality (30 minutes)
You may notice that I put a time on each of these elements. One of the things to remember as a small group leader is to plan your evening in such a way that you will be respecting people’s time. If you tell them it will be 2 hours then follow through on that promise.
I love Bible study so my tendency as a small group leader is to go way over in the Bible study portion of the evening. In one of our groups, it was getting out of hand and people were complaining to me that they needed to get out on time so they could get to bed or study. What I noticed was that when I finished the official content of the evening on time, those same people stayed for another hour to hang out. Whether they actually need to leave or not, the respecting of time will help build the community that you are trying to foster in your group.
So what is the hospitality part of the group time? This starts before people even walk in. The space where you are hosting needs to be clean, uncluttered, and smell good. We live in a 1950’s house with a big dog in our mud room and my wife always lights some candles before people show up for a gathering. There is something about smell that either invites or repels people when they come into a space. When you live in a space, you don’t notice the same things that an outsider would. Do your best to put yourself in their place.
In addition to the aesthetics, you also want to provide some food and drink. Whether it is a full meal or just snacks and lemonade, food helps people socialize by putting them at ease. For some reason, hiding behind a coffee cup helps most Americans to feel more confident in social settings. Make sure that when people arrive, all the preparation has been done so that you can focus on relating and helping others to relate with each other.
Worship (15 minutes)
If we go directly from chit chat about the Red Sox to Bible study, the time usually feels very pragmatic and self-centered. Most of us need a moment to remember why we are there and Who it is that we’ve come to relate with as we are relating with our brothers and sisters in Christ. A moment of worship helps us move from the horizontal to the vertical.
This can be done in a number of ways. The most common is singing. If you or someone in your group can sing and perhaps play an instrument, this can be a great way to shift to an upward focus. This can also be done by reading something from the Bible and having a moment of silent meditation. If you have a knack for creative worship, try different ways of helping people express things to each other and to God using some sort of artistic media. Regardless of what you do, the goal is the shift to the vertical.
Bible Study (30 minutes)
For Bible study to be this short, people need to come prepared. People need to understand what they are signing up for at the beginning of the semester and need to enter into a covenant (agreement with group and God) regarding their commitment to preparation. When leading a Bible study discussion, I try to work through the following framework:
Content: What does the passage say?
Principle: What does the passage mean?
Application: How do I apply the principle to my own life?
I think of it like an hour glass. The content is more general which then narrows down to one or two principles which are truths that are true for all people at all times in all places. Then things open back up again as we discuss the multiple ways that people will apply these truths in their own lives.
Take for instance the following scripture from Matthew 5:
29If your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. 30And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell.
If we don’t do some content work and figure out that Jesus is using a figure of speech known as hyperbole we may end up with a small group known for its maimed members. After we’ve sorted that out, we are ready to move to principle. What does Jesus mean by this figure of speech? We are then able to discuss the truth of radical amputation of sin. That Jesus doesn’t ask us to wean ourselves off of sin when we discover it. He asks us to repent, to turn completely away from it like an alcoholic going sober.
After we’ve clarified our principle, we then open the conversation up to the many applications that could come out of this truth. For one person, it’s cutting off a relationship. For another, it’s getting rid of the TV. It is very important at this juncture, that the leader be sharing vulnerably how they have put this truth into practice or plan to. In addition, when the next week rolls around, you are also asking how the application went since you last met so that everyone knows that you aren’t just studying the Bible for the Bible’s sake but are doing so in pursuit of God and transformation that He brings through encountering Him through the word.
Prayer (30 minutes)
If you have a large group, it’s better to split people into groups of 3 or 4 for prayer time. You can also make this time the majority of your application for your Bible study. For example, you send people to their prayer groups to discuss the question, “What do I need to radically amputate from my life”. After a brief discussion of this, you now have some things to pray for each other in addition to Aunt Millie’s hip replacement.
You also want to encourage folks to pray for people in their sphere of relationships who are not Christians. Have people share a few names of those they come in contact with on a regular basis and encourage the whole prayer group to pray for these people during the week. Asking God to work in them and work through the speech and actions of the prayer group member to bring these people the gospel (see Colossians 4:2-6)
It is also helpful to encourage people in the group to be praying for these requests at times other than small group night. You can do this with a reminder email to your group that gives a brief recount of the requests from the group and encourage people to give any updates that are available by emailing back.
Open ended time (?)
Making people feel comfortable to stay around after the official group time is over is another great way to build community in your group. This is always some of the best time of conversation with group members. It’s a great time for both light hearted craziness or serious discussions and prayer in a corner of the house.
Responsibility
Sometimes we think that what makes people stick in a small group is that everything is done for them and all they have to do is come and enjoy the evening. The opposite is actually true. If people don’t feel vested in the group within a few weeks, they will probably not stick for long and they certainly won’t be moving toward leadership.
As a group leader, you want to be thinking of jobs that you can hand off to every member in the group. Here are a few examples:
1. Bring Food
2. Help set-up the meeting space
3. Give rides to fellow group members
4. Send out emails or make phone calls
5. Lead worship
6. Lead a prayer group
7. Make a short presentation on a topic related to Bible study
8. Lead a Bible study
9. Plan and lead a get together
10. Plan and lead a service project
11. Invite people to come to the group
12. Participate in serving on a Sunday morning
13. Mentor a new Christian
When handing off jobs to people, you want to be thinking in the following categories:
Recruit: Don’t just make blanket announcements about jobs that need to get done. Pull the person aside or meet with them outside of group time and ask them to take on a role in the group. Follow Jesus’ example of going to individuals and asking them to take on a particular role.
Train: Even if it’s only five minutes of instruction, tell them what your vision is for the particular job that you’d like them to do and practical tips for how to execute the job.
Feedback: After they begin executing the role, give them feedback about how they are doing. It’s here where people are most receptive to training, when they are trying something new on for size and wanting to learn how to do it better.
Appreciate: Write them a note, thank them in front of the group, etc. Make sure people know that you appreciate the work that they do for the group. Reward the kinds of speech and action that you want to make up the culture of your small group.
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